You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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