something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize