we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize