just tell him i said nine months
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
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i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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