if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
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That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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