Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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