So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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