I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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