I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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