his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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