I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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