My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize