The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize