In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize