If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize