The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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