And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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