guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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