my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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