I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize