I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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