the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Two words: blizzard sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize