There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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