The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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