so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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