Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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