Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize