Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize