So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize