in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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