Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think my vagina is haunted
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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