I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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