Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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