so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize