so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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