I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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