Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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