I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
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I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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