update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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