Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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