Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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