im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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