I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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