So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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