i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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