i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm both gender and math confused
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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