i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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