I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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