He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize