I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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