Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You did what with his pubic hair?
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